An open letter.
Original post here: https://medium.com/the-bad-influence/dear-enthusiastic-bum-gun-user-f4ee8576738b
I have some complaints, observations, and unresolved questions.
Please let the following issues be noted:
- Sometimes I am unprepared for this unpleasant experience, I can’t always see all of the water, and it can end in extreme sogginess.
- My shoes are not appropriate for wading through the puddles all over the floor.
- I dislike thinking about what the puddles may or may not contain.
- It is a very wasteful use of water.
- I am confused by the inaccuracy of your aim.
- The bum gun is a precision device. Please stop making this mess.
My questions are the following:
How have you managed to spray the mirror that is for your face?
Where is your bum hole actually situated?
Are you an upside-down person?
I know they exist, I have seen documentaries.
Is your mouth in fact your anus?
This could go some way to explain the mess on the face mirror.
I watch you take your toothbrush in there; do you have tiny teeth in your botty hole?
Now I feel conflicted.
Having an anus as a mouth, and a mouth as a botty hole must be a complex and somewhat debilitating situation which could indeed cause some difficult bum gun aiming.
Perhaps you need a sponsor, someone to assist with the botty teeth cleaning procedure? I am not volunteering.
What a minty fresh botty you must have.
But the mouth anus, surely I would have noticed this affliction?
The inner workings of my mind after another incident involving extreme bum gun enthusiasm, where I have left the bathroom feeling violated, soaking wet and upset by this ongoing situation, I felt it was necessary to write this letter. Thank you for considering my comments.
Read the original piece and more on medium: https://medium.com/@anouskaparr