So as I am stirred from my back of the car slumber I become aware of the absolute grotesqueness of my general being. I don’t really want to have to face any other humans; at best I have the agent, who is the most beautiful flawless, doll like creature, at worst the extended family of the landlady..

I peer through the window to see what I have been dealt. Obviously. I HAVE BOTH. The extended family of the landlady (extremely curious grandma, kids, etc.) and the beautiful doll agent.

I drag my sweaty flight sock and jean clad self from the car pulling a case behind me. I hadn’t really anticipated that I would actually have to do anything, I thought I would simply arrive, unlock the door, find a bed and collapse. It hadn’t really occurred to me that when you rent a house there is other stuff that you have to do. I mean I haven’t rented since I was 23, that is a fricking long time ago.

I have to check THE list & write notes. Most of the notes are ‘it’s broken, scratched, doesn’t work, damaged’ then it is highlighted to me that they have removed all the window dressings as requested. (I had planned to replace all the curtains and blinds – a bit/room at a time – seriously NOTHING left, not 1 CURTAIN) I am walked around the multiple floors and rooms whilst the agent proudly displays the windows. SHIT. I guess it’s one way of getting acquainted  with the neighbours (sad face). I also note that they have left all of their bedding, some of which (full zebra set) is pretty cool, but mostly kind of gross. The gas is empty, this is imperative when you only have a gas hob, he can come, soon….(arrives on scooter with huge canister)

I get a phonecall from the head of HR – ‘is everything ok, or you need the Crescent a couple of nights?’ Oh sweet Jesus HALLELUJAH!! The Crescent is literally 10 minutes walk, serviced apartments so I can cook, wash my clothes and as it’s right next to a supermarket and mall; buy stuff for my house and walk it across.

When you have just been dropped into an entirely different world things like this can make or break the situation. I gracefully accept, see off the welcoming party, set an alarm to nap on my sofa and wait for gas……

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